


Kiwi

by wateryoudoing



Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 08:56:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3203357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wateryoudoing/pseuds/wateryoudoing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryuko puts in way too much effort when it comes to annoying Satsuki. One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiwi

After a month of researching and a week of searching, Ryuko had acquired what would soon be her newest way to annoy Satsuki. She hadn’t even blinked as she’d handed over $150 for it and all the supplies that went along with it. She kept the purchase a secret from Satsuki, waiting for the perfect time to unveil the “gift.”

Ryuko had been spending much more time away from home than usual, but Satsuki figured that she was using the time to bond with Mako and dismissed the behavior. It wasn’t until a couple of months later, as Satsuki returned from a shopping trip, that she suspected that Ryuko was up to something, and that was only because of the fact that something was in their home that hadn’t been there when she’d left.

When she walked into their dining area she was surprised to find a large rectangular object, about as tall as her shoulders and covered in blankets, standing in the corner near the window. Baffled, she set her shopping bags down and moved closer to the large object, brows furrowed in confusion. She reached for the blankets, aiming to uncover the mystery, when a slender hand wrapped around her wrist, impeding her progress.

“Not ‘til later,” Ryuko commanded, mirth shining in her eyes.

“What is this?”

But Ryuko would not be swayed. “You’ll see soon enough. Come back here in an hour. Stay outta here in the meantime, alright?”

Deciding to humor Ryuko, Satsuki retreated to the bedroom, engaging herself in a novel. She’d become so engrossed in the book that she’d nearly forgotten about the mysterious object until she heard Ryuko’s voice floating down the hallway, beckoning her to return to the dining room. More eagerly than she’d like to admit, Satsuki snapped the book closed and slid gracefully off of the bed. She slowed her walk in an attempt to hide her curiosity, feigning indifference as she walked through the doorway to the dining room. Ryuko was waiting by the object, hands on her hips as she excitedly rocked onto the balls of her feet.

“Okay, are you ready?” Ryuko asked, smirking. Satsuki nodded, moving closer to Ryuko. “No, wait. Sit in this chair, alright?”

“Why does it matter?” Satsuki griped, though she obeyed the order nonetheless.

“You’ll see,” Ryuko mumbled under her breath. “Okay, okay. Here we go. I’d like you to meet Kiwi!” she exclaimed as she yanked the blankets off of the object.

Satsuki’s eyes widened as she took in the sight before her. A large black cage on a stand had been hidden under the blankets. The cage was filled with small branches and colorful toys. Among the objects inside, Satsuki noticed a flash of movement; a tiny green bird hopped from branch to branch skillfully, squeaking as it did so. Satsuki stared open mouthed at Ryuko before uttering, “What?”

“This is Kiwi. He is a budgie! He is a very smart little guy and he can learn lots of tricks. Watch this.” Turning to the cage, Ryuko fiddled with a latch, allowing a small door to fall open.

“Wait, you’re not going to let that thing out, are you?” Satsuki asked, eyes widening.

Her sister merely chuckled as she offered a finger to the bird, who happily stepped on. Gently, she withdrew her hand, the budgie gripping her finger carefully. “Watch this. Kiwi, flip!”

At the command, the bird expertly leaned forward until he was hanging upside down, momentarily resembling a bat. He continued his revolution until he had returned to his original upright position. “See! How cool was that?!”

Still not quite sure whether she was being pranked, Satsuki leaned forward and asked, “What else can he do?”

“Oh, sister, I’m so glad you asked,” Ryuko replied mischievously. Procuring a small, wicker ball from her pocket, she rolled it to Satsuki and then placed the bird on the table. “Kiwi, fetch!”

The bird lunged forward, waddling as he rushed towards Satsuki, his tiny nails clicking along the tabletop. Unprepared, Satsuki flinched backwards, but the bird showed her no interest; once he’d grabbed the ball he turned and quickly returned to Ryuko, who gave him a treat.

“And now, for the grand finale! Stand up here for a sec, sis.”

Reluctantly, Satsuki stood and moved toward the spot near the cage that Ryuko was pointing out. The younger girl placed the bird back into his cage and closed the door before moving towards the doorway leading to the kitchen. Satsuki squinted in suspicion; the table separated the two girls and Ryuko seemed positioned for a quick getaway.

_She’s planning something_ , she decided, eyes scanning the room for a clue. Her search was cut short by Ryuko’s voice.

“You know, these little guys can even learn to talk. Why don’t you introduce yourself?”

“Introduce myself to a bird?”

“Yes. Come on. That’s just good manners, ya know?”

Skeptically, Satsuki turned to the creature in the cage, who was happily gnawing on a toy. As Satsuki opened her mouth, Ryuko took a step backwards, hand pressed over her mouth in an attempt to stifle her laughter.

“Um. Hi, Kiwi. My name is Satsuki.”

The bird turned his attention to the older girl for the first time. He opened his beak and replied, “Satsuki?”

Startled, Satsuki looked at Ryuko, whose face was redder than the streak in her hair, hands pressed firmly to her mouth. She turned back to face the bird. Years later, what happened next would no doubt be looked back upon with laughter, but as the bird looked the taller girl dead in the eye and said, “Fuck you, Satsuki,” the only feeling she felt was an urge to strangle her sister.

Boisterous laughter erupted from the doorway as Ryuko doubled over, gripping her knees for support. Whipping around, Satsuki lunged for Ryuko, who’d managed to stand enough to run for her life. She hadn’t managed to get far before she was tackled by Satsuki, sending them both tumbling to the ground; Ryuko yelped as she took an elbow to the eye. Pinned under her sister, the red-streaked girl could only smile despite the pain coursing through her face.

“What are you so smug about?” Satsuki demanded, eyebrows slanting dangerously low.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Ryuko responded cheekily, a crooked smile plastered on her face.

Satsuki huffed before standing; she opened the freezer and removed a bag of frozen peas then threw it as hard as she could at Ryuko’s stomach, nearly rupturing the bag. “You’re going to have a black eye,” she explained before sauntering out of the room, leaving a wheezing Ryuko on the floor.

Hours later, as she browsed Youtube before bed, she noticed a new viral video that was rapidly gaining views. Curiously, Satsuki clicked the link but blanched when she realized that the video on her screen was portraying their dining room.

“No…” she muttered under her breath, “she wouldn’t dare.” However, it quickly became apparent that Ryuko _would_ dare, leading to over five million people (and counting) having watched a mere bird saying “fuck you” the indomitable Satsuki Kiryuin.

“Oh, Ryuko. Revenge is going to be so sweet.”

**Author's Note:**

> I like birds ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Ryuko is a little shit who totally would put months of effort into training a bird to sling profanities at Satsuki


End file.
